My first entry

It’s been 3 months since I left Jakarta to Singapore. It was Monday, 16 March 2020, I took the afternoon Air Asia flight in somber mood, unknowingly for certain how long I will be able to return back to Jakarta. I read the news the day before that from 17 April, all visitors entering Singapore would have to be put on Stay at Home (SHN) notice. Due to my current circumstances, I was not able to stay back in Jakarta. It was the first sign that things would be different.

I didn’t prepare myself mentally, I packed my stuffs, coffee beans and filters, my running shoes and clothes, and some dry food. I left my Nintendo Switch behind for J, my kiddo, knowing that it would be much better in his hands than me. Little Jo didn’t understand yet, what’s happening at the moment, but she waved bye bye, and I gave her a big hug and lots of kisses. My wife, cool as ever, told me she’ll be fine, she can handle the kids. I calmed down my parents, told them, I’ll be back soon or later. I was a bit relieved for my dad, because a few weeks before, he had coronary artery issue. Luckily, he went for some treatment, and was in recovery period. All was set, I left Jakarta with heavy heart.

I had high hopes, everything will be fine, hoped that the pandemic would be contained, perhaps within 1-2 months. Now, it’s been 3 months, Indonesia have not even passed its 1st wave peak of the COVID19, yet. Other countries have started to re-opened, relaxed their lock downs (Circuit Breaker in Singapore) and also prepared cautiously for 2nd wave. Travelling is still a headache, a waste of time and money due to the quarantine protocols (not to mention asking approvals from workplace and government). Nothing much I can do at this moment, apart from waiting.

Hence, so many uncertainties, no vaccines or medication in the near future. One can only do so much ‘social-distancing’ without gradually losing their sanity. I read somewhere, survival is paramount, being productive can wait. I’m grateful that I still have my full time job, I can work from home, I can still do my running routine, video call my family daily, and importantly, stay healthy. But, there were some hard days, especially those days when I worried too much about lots of things. Trying to answer “What if” questions is a bottomless pit hole, because you are running hypothetical scenarios that may or may not happen. It’s draining your energy, yet doesn’t solve anything in reality.

I need to learn to stop worrying too much, stay positive, and use my energy to do something else. Truly, easier said than done. Nevertheless, this personal website is kind of a small milestone. “It’s very bland”, my wife said. Yeah, true that, I guess I may need to tweak some colors. “it’s very serious”, my friend said. Yeah, I need to add lighter sections. Well, my other friend told me, take your time, it will improve later on. The important thing, it has the first milestone: getting it published. “Your entertainment and games reviews can wait, also your running milestones”, he said.

Talking about running, it has been my escape from all of those stuffs. Morning runs have helped me a lot, not only for fitness sake, but also boost my mood. I contemplate a lot during my runs, I plan my work or daily activities, randomly play my curated playlists, or sometimes listen to podcasts and audio books. I have planned out my routes, either it’s 5K, 10K, or 21K, just to avoid boredom running on the same routes. This helps to create some excitement for trying out new routes and explore other parts in my neighborhood.

Other stuffs like Netflix (I had my first Korean Drama), games (I started playing Counter Strike and Civilization again) and reading books have also helped (these warrant separate write ups).

I hope this entry can be a reminder for me in the future, that life has been bleak. But, on the other hand, this also has become my first entry to my personal website. It shows that even during a bleak period, we can also do something useful, at least for myself. Yeah, create your own happiness, first and foremost.

Before I leave it here, I would like to share a nice prayer, shared by my friend, when things seem to be out of your control:

God, give me GRACE to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
COURAGE to change the things
which should be changed,
and the WISDOM to distinguish
the one from the other.

Nite.